Zaphod for President

It is a very real possibility that Hillary Clinton will become the next President of the United States. I sincerely hope that this is not the case. Above all else, I despise the thought of talking politics under the reign of Mrs. Clinton. I fear that every time I disagree with Madame President, my verbal opponent with sneer in disgust, declare me a misogynist, and begin psychoanalyzing me as to why I fear and hate women so much.

In truth, I love women. I agree with a lawyer of mine who once said:

Women are the most valuable natural resource we have.

I agree entirely. My soon-to-be-wife saves lives for a living; she works as an emergency room nurse. My mother earned her J.D. when I was only 2 years old, and she did it without the help of my father. I remain close friends with several ex-girlfriends, and have a rolodex filled with intelligent, dedicated, powerful women, all of whom I adore. Even my dog is female.

In the interest of full disclosure: I could also name several million women whom I hate, however, my point here is only that gender alone does not influence my opinion of anyone. So please, before I say another word about Hillary Clinton, please force that tired “…because she’s a woman” cliche as far from your mind as possible.

There are three simple reasons why I oppose Hillary Clinton as President:

1. She voted in favor of the current Iraq War, the greatest geopolitical error of my generation.

2. She voted in favor of the Patriot Act, the most Orwellian legislation of my generation.

3. Having been born in 1980, I have lived my entire life under the rule of the Reagan-Bush-Clinton dynasty. The longer these two families pass power back and forth, the harder it is for me to defend America as a “free country”.

Regarding Hillary Clinton, I think Pete Townsend said it best in his masterpiece, “Won’t Get Fooled Again”.

I’ll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
Then I’ll get on my knees and pray
We don’t get fooled again
Don’t get fooled again
No, no!

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Meet the new boss
Same as the old boss

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