Zaphod for President

This evening I caught a rerun of the first Democratic Presidential debate on MSNBC. For the most part, I heard exactly what I expected to hear; everyone trashed the current administration, Hillary and Obama shared center stage, and for the most part the candidates stood in solidarity rather than rip into one another. I was happy to see such a polite discourse, but in truth, it was rather boring to me. Like a redneck watching NASCAR, I grew impatient waiting for the inevitable crashes.

Just as I was considering changing the channel, Dennis Kucinich caught my attention. He reached into a pocket hidden inside his jacket, and produced a book.

Quoth Kucinich:

This is a pocket copy of the Constitution which I carry with me, because I took an oath to defend the Constitution.

I was blown away. In a matter of moments, Dennis Kucinich had secured a spot as my second-favorite Presidential candidate, directly behind Ron Paul. I strongly support public officials who demand the enforcement of the U.S. Constitution, and I applaud the conviction of Mr. Kucinich’s beliefs, although I disagree with many of them.

Everywhere I go, I see people mocking, shunning and spitting well-deserved venom at Dick Cheney, but Kucinich has done far more: he has prepared articles of impeachment demanding the removal of our Vice President.

Everywhere I go, I see people demanding a speedy resolution to the Iraq War. Like Ron Paul, Kucinich has opposed the Iraq War since before it began (special thanks to Saskboy for reminding me of this).

However, before I am labeled as a wacko left-wing radical, please allow me to remind readers that I am, in fact, a wacko no-wing radical, which is to say I subscribe to the “two sides of the same coin” philosophy in regards to mainstream American politics. When it comes to casting my vote, a candidate’s position on the issues are the deciding factor. I consider the entire “left/right” paradigm the biggest chunk of bull$#it ever forced down the throats of the American public, and I do my best not to contribute to it.

For those who are still convinced that I am a closet liberal, here are a few positions on which I disagree with Mr. Kucinich:

• Mr. Kucinich voted “yes” on a constitutional amendment prohibiting flag desecration. I believe this violates the pre-existing 1st Amendment protection of free speech.

• Mr. Kucinich voted “no” on ending preferential treatment by race in college admissions. I oppose all forms of institutional racism, including “affirmative action” programs.

• Mr. Kucinich voted “no” on establishing the nationwide AMBER alert system for missing kids. In my opinion, the “AMBER alert” is a shining example of Federal and State cooperation, and a model of quality law enforcement. I believe that sharing data with citizens produces results and protects children, while collecting unnecessary data from citizens produces paranoia and breeds bureaucracy.

Of course, I can list other issues on which I agree with Mr. Kucinich:

• I agree with Mr. Kucinich that marijuana should be legalized.

• I agree with Mr. Kucinich that America should withdraw from the WTO and NAFTA.

• I agree with Mr. Kucinich that the War in Iraq was a mistake, and that Dick Cheney and all of his war-profiteering cronies ought to be chased out of D.C. by a mob armed with pitchforks and torches.

How do your views compare with Dennis Kucinich’s? I certainly don’t agree with him about everything, but I am glad he has contributed to the political discourse, and I admire his blatant refusal to barter his integrity for undecided votes.





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