Zaphod for President

Note from Zaphod: Lysander Spooner is the pseudonym of our newest (first, actually) guest blogger here at Zaphod for President. If he decides to become a regular contributor, I’ll ask him to prepare his own bio.

America is in dire need of more inflation. It is absolutely essential for the survival of our great commonwealth of States that we adopt economic policies similar to President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe.

Once the average American experiences the pain and suffering that Zimbabweans experience with the dilution of their purchasing power. Then perhaps they’ll appreciate sound money once again. Hyperinflation will reward Americans that have gold and the guns to protect their gold. Since the price of gold is currently quotes in “Federal Reserve Accounting Unit Devices” or F.R.A.U.Ds the price of gold in dollars like all commodities will rise sharply as quoted in greenbacks.

A mortgage debt of $300,000.00 is the equivalent of nearly 450 ounces of gold today. Under hyperinflation when gold hits say $100,000.00 per ounce if you held those same ounces of gold, provided you had them, you would have $45million worth of gold. Just sell off 3 of your ounces and reclaim your freedom. Or more saliently, those 3 gold ounces today are worth only $2,000.70 as of Saturday, July 14th, 2007.

Imagine all of your debts being wiped away by Hyperinflation. Granted, all of your dollar savings would be worthless. But who cares you could just borrow over all again when the smoke clears! The other beauty of our friend Hyperinflation is that the Federal Government would be unable to service portions of the $9Trillion debt that are not at a fixed rate.

Interest rates might climb into the triple and quadruple digit rate. The Government would either keep up the printing of money to service the debt or default. Global depression and martial law could then ensue with full vigor.

Parents would no longer abort their children since they would need to send those kids out to work. Maybe that would also end the Corporal Punishment debate. Think rural China and India folks! This would be a major victory for pro-life forces. Some folks would be more prone to abortion for fear of not being able to feed their offspring. Then again this “logic”, has never stopped people from multiplying before. Responsibility is not the dominion of the people it is that of Government. For they truly care and can lift the loads in life we just don’t want to lift. They do the jobs that good Americans just don’t do any more!

Undocumented citizens from places like Mexico might awaken to find forty year business managers picking the same strawberries they once did in the lush fields of California. Pimpled faced 19 year olds could see their friend’s grandfathers mowing their lawn for a change. The world could truly experience the level of justice it so richly deserves.

Maybe just maybe Government would grow up and prioritize it’s efforts at control. This could be a boon to pot smokers everywhere. Not to mention dealers, with the Government so utterly distracted with suicide prevention, it’s quite possible that those fun loving unlicensed Pharmacists would go free. Oh and think about the demand to “take the edge off.” After a hard day’s work of picking up strawberries, singing “strawberry fields forever” wouldn’t you like to take a bong hit you yuppie scum bag?

With any luck prostitution will be off the police state’s radar. It’s quite possible that fat overweight housewives that have propped up the housing bubble will suck off the gold holding elite for scraps. Now think about that for a moment, picture your mother or daughter or grandmother. I said picture it for real. Think about the poor women of Argentina, Serbia and Ukraine over a decade ago.

Yes, it is disgusting and that’s the point. Economic calamities aren’t pretty unless you’re prepared. Don’t be a loser, don’t wait, don’t agree with my words, ACT and ACT now! Make sure that when your neighbors come to ask you for crumbs that you’re well armed because they won’t ask nicely twice.

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