Zaphod for President

On September 11, 2001, I was working at a corporate park on Long Island, about an hour east of “Ground Zero”. On the way to work I heard about the first attack while listening to WBAB radio. I assumed it to be the work of an incompetent pilot, and continued on my way. As soon as I walked into work I was bombarded: “did you hear about the towers?” I did not yet understand what the big deal was; I did not yet know that a second plane had hit.

An hour later, my office was standing around a television tuned to the Chanel 4 (NBC) news. Many of the people standing near me had friends and family working in those towers. I cannot explain the sound I heard as the first tower collapsed; somewhere between a yelp and moan, the air was thick, and the suffering apparent even to a blind man. The hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention; I had no choice but seek the relief of coffee. As I slowly worked my way through a sea of grieving people, I began to fear that I might throw up.

At this point, I passed a very wonderful co-worker named Mark. Mark often walked with both hands clasped behind his back, taking short, deliberate steps; in my mind he was a samurai, always ready to dispense wisdom to my fertile 21-year-old mind. After watching the first tower crumble, again and again and again (thanks to the miracle of instant replay and a soulless media), the image was still fresh in both our minds. He shared only one word, but it was an apt word; it perfectly described my immediate instinct upon see the towers collapse. He said: bullshit.

Even now I cannot explain my instinct any better than this. Remember: this was before Osama Bin Laden claimed credit, before PATRIOT ACT, before Cindy Sheehan, before the looming Iraq War was on the radar of most Americans. Not only did that entire day remain surreal in my mind, I could not accept the explanations as I began to hear them. I had no better explanation, mind you, but the media (which I have long distrusted) failed to convince me that we knew anything about these attacks, even after those first miserable weeks had past. From this point I remained interested in the story, but unsatisfied with the answers. An inalienable doubt lingered in my mind.

A few years later, I got really really high on some prime weed, and accidentally discovered an Alex Jones video while surfing the web. In my experience, a person decides the value of Alex Jones in about 10 seconds, either dismissing him as a madman, or accepting him as a madman who speaks the truth. For me, after years of George Carlin and Abbie Hoffman and UFO fantasies, the concept of distrusting government was second-nature. The possibility of conspiracy was not beyond reason. I took the bait, hook, line and sinker, and spent the entire weekend smoking weed and watching Alex Jones videos- a dangerous combination.

I have been following the “9/11 Truth” movement ever since, and I have done my best to support it. Not because I necessarily agree with the various theories, mind you, but because I hate the government, and enjoy encouraging anarchy as often as possible.

That said, the subject of 9/11 is endlessly fascinating to me. On one side we have people who simply cannot accept that 9/11 could be an inside job. To them, it is simply impossible. This decision is made without any evidence whatsoever, as these people are so convinced that they feel no evidence is necessary. On the other side we have people who simply cannot accept that 9/11 might not be an inside job. To them, it is simply impossible. This decision is made without any evidence whatsoever, as these people are so convinced that they feel no evidence is necessary.

Sure, both sides are eager to present “facts”, but neither side is willing to take the other seriously. Communication between the groups is disrespectful, curt, and impolite (to put it mildly). Both groups are so laden with prejudice that it might best be likened to a religious devotion. Either our government is incapable of such evil; or it has been planning it all along.

As an eternal paranoid, I feel uniquely unqualified to help bridge the gaps between these groups. In either case, I hope both groups will hear me out, as we consider some of the “big questions” of 9/11. To that end, this is the first in a series regarding the various conspiracy theories of 9/11. As always, I will do my best to be fair, and welcome your corrections in comments.

Coming up next: was WTC-1 a controlled demolition?

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• 9/11