<< The Onion: Use of the “N-Word” May End Porn Star’s Career Mitt the Mexican >>
Children Deserve Better
First, a commercial:
Now, a free tip:
When a kid rolls their eyes at you, they aren’t listening. They aren’t “hearing what you have to say”. As a matter of fact, rolling eyes usually indicates an extreme amount of discomfort and embarrassment from the child. The child is most likely concentrating intently on anything else, in a desperate hope you will shut up and leave them alone.
Yes, they will repeat your thesis: “wait to have sex” in a frustrated and disinterested tone. However, this is most likely the limit of your emotional interaction. Why is this? A few reasons:
-
To a child, the thought of a parent having sex is gross. This is normal. If the child is eager for details, that’s the time for you to worry.
-
By the time they reach puberty, 100% of males are already masturbating and looking at pornography. Even your kids. Especially the quiet ones. How do I know? I was 14 once, with many 14-year-old friends. This is universally true, and remains true today.
-
By the time they reach puberty, 100% of females are desperate to find “a daddy”. Why? Because their “real” daddy has either left, disappeared, gone to jail, or simply ignored them for 13 years, fracturing their already fragile self-esteem and resulting in a desperate need to be loved- physically, if not emotionally.
-
Most important: your kids hate you, as well they should. Why? Because it required a government commercial in order for you to talk to them. If you need a government agency to tell you when to talk to your kids, and what to say, you should put them up for adoption and get a dog instead.
Bonus question: why are most educated young people (12-25) in favor of a Libertarian government, complete with the total abolition of “Social Security”?
Answer: they believe that their parents would be better served as an alternative source of fuel.
Bonus answer: and even if Ron Paul loses the election, they are still going to stick you in a home someday. One of those crooked homes they saw on “60 Minutes”. You know- the kind you stuck your parents in when you decided you wanted their house.
If you can, go give your kids a hug. In just a few short years they will refuse to answer your phone calls.
Hungry for more?
